Hairy Tweets

The Beardly
Bearded and Social

Entries in pogonophobia (10)

6:28PM

BREAKING: We are making a difference (duh)

GUYS! We're doing it; and we are winning!

Look, we never want to hurt the economy, or any one company or another, make people lose jobs or support any kind of economic regression... but the fact of the matter is, there are certain companies that are at the forefront of beardicide and pognophobia... razors, single use or fancy ones with 8000 blades, trimmers, clippers, and other sinister tools of torture, destruction and death.

The companies that support or harbor these terroristic methods, it's no surprise that we have sworn to smoke them out of their holes back in 2008/2009, when B-a-B formed.

Well, beardos and stachemates, today, we are honored to let you know the tide of the war on beards is waning, it's taken a turn; a turn that will stand out as a key moment in time that you will tell your children that the wave finally broke, and rolled back.

Bloomberg reports that beardicide supporter and facial hair villain megacompany Procter & Gamble Co. (PG) has announced that everything from Brooklyn beardos, to Movember, the Red Sox WS win, and other facial hair friendly events and efforts has taken a deep cut into their grooming sales last quarter, Chief Financial Officer Jon Moeller said yesterday on an earnings call.

"P&G’s grooming business, which includes shaving cream, razor blades and deodorant, generated $2.12 billion in revenue during the quarter ended Dec. 31 and accounted for 9.5 percent of the company’s sales. Though the division’s sales rose 3 percent, excluding currency effects, John Faucher, an analyst at JPMorgan Chase & Co. in New York, said in a Jan. 13 note that sales of non-disposable razors and blades fell 7.8 percent in the 12 weeks through Dec. 21. The reason: “Increased interest in facial hair.” 

Congrats everyone, we should all be proud of our efforts, our commitment, resolve and determination to bring about this change. We thank you for teaching ogres like P&G to remember Ezekiel 25:17

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." 

Kudos everyone. Remember this day. Onward and upward.

Thank you,

Build-a-Beard Editors

 

3:31PM

No Reason IS a Reason

"Men's Wearhouse fires founder George Zimmer; no reason given" read the boldfaced and large fonted LA Times headline... and my heart sank.

As you may know, George Zimmer is the highly recognizable man behind the comforting voice telling men all over the US that he guarantees they will like the way they look... the soft, raspy, paternal even, voice engulfs you as the beard on George's face engulfs his chin... and you believed him. Besides, you never quite knew if he moonlighted as the most interesting man in the world, though you suspected that he probably was.

We don't know why the company severed ties with George, nor do we know if Mr. Zimmer deserved what was coming to him... we just hope that this is not another example in pogonophobia in the corporate world, which we will not accept nor ever lay down our arms against.

There really is just one thing Men's Warehouse can do to prove to us this is not the case... name a replacement with an even bigger, bushier, longer and uncut beard.

So, members of the Men's Warehouse board, the move is yours... #proveit

10:31AM

Our Brotherhood is On Our Face

Can't we all just get along? Apparently not... But hey, getting beards, mustaches, and awareness of pogonophobia on the front page of the Wall Street Journal? Not a bad deal for the facial hair community, net net. Needless to say, one should never let a good crisis go to waste.

PROOF of #provingit

Anyway... Cattiness aside (cats have whiskers too, get it?) we do (and forever will) believe in the brotherhood of the facial hair community. We stand by the attempts, the commitments, the righteous and the hysterical... you can choose not to partake, you can choose to grow it out and grow it proud, you can even choose to shave *shudder*... just remember that we are one, what we do is good, we do more together, always. 

Our brotherhood, is on our face.

1:07PM

Facebook IPO Inside Scoop

So D day is here -- F day probably is a bit crude -- Facebook is now public. You want in on the action, you want a taste of the hype, your chalice of koolaid is empty and you need a hit baaaaaaaaaaad... well, here's the inside scoop from the offices of Build-a-Beard CFO.

The FB stock wont do as good as you thought, or even as good as it should, for one simple fact we know (and you probably do too)... because of Mr. Zuckerber's (aka Zucks, aka Is that a question, aka FB CEO, aka I own your face, aka Richie Rich) facial hairlessness. A face that by all Google image research accounts has never even had as much as a stubble on his chinny chin chin.

For shame sir, you're public now... now more than ever you need to man up, grow up and like your ownership of Facebook, you need to maintain at least 53% of your face with hair. Consider this a challenge, we dare you to #proveit... or at least fund a facial hair charity like Movember, Bearduary or other facial hair cheerleaders like say... us... to help fight and stop pogonophobia.

Until then...

4:28PM

Negative Beard is Positive

Happy Monday,

Stare into the red dot for 30 seconds. Then blink into a blank (preferably white) wall. Then, consider your mind blown.

This is proof (thank you Tumblr) that there is no negativity in beards, even when talking about a negative. Pogonophobia be damned!

Pin It

11:14AM

Stache 2012

We have always said at B-a-B that facial hair transcends politics. Our love and devotion to promoting global hirsute appreciation goes beyond and above any other social issue (or fiscal)... that said, it should be the goal of all beardos and stachemates to eliminate pogonophobia from all corners of the world. Arguably, the best way to do this is to elect officials with facial hair.

Those mates are hard to find (and even harder to find are the gals)... but, we have found one. If you haven't met or heard of him yet, please meet Herman Cain, he is currently running for president of the United States. Like or dislike his politics, or that of his GOP compadres (all of whom, including Michele Bachmann) are facial hairless.

Herman, who recently won the Florida Straw Poll, you have our support... just don’t shave. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can grow for your country.

11:00AM

Don't Blame the Beard -- #mugshotmonday

GOOD MORNING BEARDOS!

Today marks the start of a weekly feature that encompasses both recognition and public service components of our blog... it will help, while undoubtedly hurting a bit, our overarching philosophy of raising the profile of beards.

As many of you know, the good people at TheSmokingGun.com have for years disseminated some great visuals that remind us of the hillarity of crime, criminals and the legal system at large through proliferating the art of the mugshot. However pure the intentions of TSG, the ratio of beardless to the hairy within their mugshot walls is feeding the beast of pogonophobia among the many beardless, about the few rotten apples in our hairy barrel. Surely the good people at TSG didn't (and couldn't) anticipate the backlash and prejudice that such practice would yield to the facial hair community...

So, today B-a-B steps in to help level off the skewed ratio, and shed light on the two constants of the bearded shots in this series... their beards are pretty damn sick and they are innocent until proven guilty... so remember, however guilty, however horrible the crime, regardless of the bleak and empty stares... DON'T BLAME THE BEARD!

Welcome to #mugshotmonday everyone, we give you... the orange tennis ball beard:

1:56PM

Boycott SNL! Beards of the World... UNITE!

Enough is enough... the beards are not to be messed with, and once pushed too far, we will come back thicker, darker and more rich with vigor (aka longer and uncut) than ever before! Billboards are one thing, but this 'shaving culture' that seems to be rearing it's ugly bald head during the last month of this year of our lord, the year of the beard, is disgusting... and feeding this shaved beast is ill advised, especially during Decembeard.

Our favorite goatee winner from last year's globes, THE dude, el Duderino himself (and the star of both “Tron: Legacy” and “True Grit”) will be hosting “Saturday Night Live” tonight... which was supposed to be a Christmas SNL to remember. Now it will be one we'll never forget... ever.

Our dear Jeff Bridges seems to have followed in the sad ways of Zach G. from last march, when the reTARD succumbed to corporate pressure and shaved during his hosting stint at SNL... well, we are calling BULLSHIT on this 'comedy show' that seems to be filled with writers seemingly unable (or worse yet, unwilling) to let their creative juices flow to write skits for furry faces... FOR SHAME we say.

Just like the dreaded NY Yankees are known for destroying chin manes of incoming players, so too does SNL seem to prey on facial fuzz heroes, mandating a shiny chin for the supposed honor to host their 'show'. Well, mission accomplished... not only have they destroyed yet another beardo hero, but they have ruined Christmas, a holiday usually full of beards and hairy cheer we love so much...

So, today we call for an outright BOYCOTT of SNL! Not until Jeff's beard grows back, but until they let a bearded brethren once again host and grace their stage with hairy fortitude. And perhaps moreover, until they admit their pogonophobic ways and REPENT! Until then, we are sorry to bring you the clip below, which was used as a promo for tonight's episode, showing His Dudeness taking a buzzer to his sweet sweet beard... it really tied the whole face together Jeff, you are out of your element!


FAIL!

11:23AM

Justin Bieber: Grow it out, grow it proud!

Oh. My. God... not only am I disgusted at the sheer thought of writing up a post on this mop top character, teen 'singer' and prepubescent 'dancer' Justin Bieber, but perhaps even more so about his apparent decision to take Estrogen to stunt the growth of his facial hair...

Justin, if that is your real name... you need to realize that side effects of men, let alone boys, taking Estrogen are perhaps even greater than the social reverberations of your decision to shun facial hair's inaugural appearance on your chin.

That said, B-a-B did some research for the pros and cons of taking Estrogen for the male species... just as an FYI and warning to all those that may be motivated to follow in your tiny hairless footsteps.

As you may know, if you were a normal 15 y/o who took Bio in school... Estrogen is a hormone produced in the female and male bodies, it is mainly responsible for the growth of female sexual characteristics. Men, however, also produce estrogen, levels of which often increase with age.

Cons

Bloating -- Increased estrogen levels cause the body to retain water, which leads to bloating and the swelling of legs and ankles. *How will you dance?!

Sex Drive -- Increased estrogen levels in men can decrease sex drive. The excess estrogen levels lowers sperm count and testosterone levels. *How will you... um, never mind. Well maybe you really shouldn't reproduce...

Breasts -- Men who take estrogen can suffer soreness in their breasts. Swollen breasts and tenderness of the breast can also occur. *Fact: If a boy gets breasts he'll become a hermit... think of the fans.

Cancer -- Increased estrogen levels in men can lead to cancer. Prostate cancer has been linked to high estrogen levels in men. *This is self explanatory...

Pros

Fractures -- Estrogen helps the body increase calcium absorbed in the body. Low estrogen levels in males can lead to greater risk of fractures, especially hip fractures. *You can just drink milk. Get a milk stache contract and get paid, what's the issue?!


To help sway you in the right (read: sane) direction our good friends at withabeard.com have helped us visualize how great a beard would look on your chin. Take a look and make the right (again, sane) decision... note: sure we could've made a compilation of the alternative look -- saggy boobs, limp dick, and bloated ankles -- but that would be in poor taste... GROW IT OUT, GROW IT PROUD!

  • Estrogen helps the body increase calcium absorbed in the body. Low estrogen levels in males can lead to greater risk of fractures, especially hip fractures.
    12:14PM

    Don't Judge A Man (Negatively) By His Beard

    Pogonophobia (n): Fear of beards

    I am saddened to report that beard profiling - just like racial - is alive and well in the world.  Not that this should come as any surpise with numerous haters of beards out there, but it is rather shocking that some are beginning to associate 'beards' with 'evil.'  In addition, it's one thing to have a phobia... but it's quite the other to discriminate against the scruff. 

    Here are some highlights taken from The Guardian article above (which you should read in full):

    Reporter's admission:

    My pogonophobia possibly stems from my own inability to grow one – it is well nigh impossible to tell if I have not shaved for three weeks or three months – but, at least in the case of Islam, beards and bigotry do often seem to go together.

    Further down in article:

    I don't want to tar all beardies with the extremist tag, but among Muslims possession of a big beard does seem a prerequisite to being able to rant and rave against the evil heathens of the west.

    I just took one look at his beard, feared the worst and did a fast one.

    Hair is hair... is it not?  This type of facial hair profiling... which we danced around in December when we mentioned Bank of America's odd beard policy (i.e. you cannot grow one) seems to be a bit outdated for 2010.  What's that song - free your mind, and the rest will follow?  (Yes, I just referenced En Vogue). 

    Help this kid not fear the beard: