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Entries in Brooklyn (9)


Welcome to the party, NYT?

Well gosh... I wonder why it took the New York Times over nearly 5 years to arrive at this conclusion... and to be honest, we are not the least bit surprised it took this long.

Look, I get it. It's the New York *fucking* Times, the paper of record, but c'mon, the bandwagon is totally overflowing by now.This is perhaps just another example about the state of the media, and it's impending doom. Alas, you're welcome world. The brooklyn beard is here (duh), read all about it.

We announced 2010 (2010!) as the year of the beard. It's 2014, the beard decade is nearly halfway over. Welcome to the party, you just became that guy or girl too engrossed with their own appearance that they showed up to the party when everyone is already passed out from having too good a time, without you.

The water is still warm... I guess you can dive in; f you can avoid all the others already swimming about.

The Brooklyn Beard Goes Mainstream



By now you know... Adam "MCA" Yauch of Beastie Boys fame has passed away. We mourn him not only as a musical trailblazer, fellow tribesman, a great axeman, sick rhymealogist or a Brooklyn brother... we mourn him as a fellow beardsman. Even in the early days (see at the bottom) Adam was scruffy... and toward the end he was a full beardo. We will miss you, and sing your laurels for years to come, MCA. Rest in Peace.

Shit Brooklyn Beards Say

"We wear pants, you know? Someone had to do that, had to go through that, wearing pants, you know? So, um, I figured, you know, I'm a fuckin' try a beard."

If we believe Jack Passion, which we do, that the epicenter of US beards is undeniably the pacific northwest... it has to be told that it is so in mass, not per capita. That title belongs to Brooklyn, period, full stop, moving on.

Case in point, see Jana Schmieding (@janaunplgd) exposé on Brooklyn Beards... which we renamed, Shit Brooklyn Beards Say.





Just like after a wedding (or an engagement... read on), the party that was the NYC Beard and Moustache Competition has left me with the inevitable feeling of "well, now what?!"  The copious amount of planning that went into it, the tons of anticipation this brought on, so many nerves and butterflies filling many a stomach, the myriad of press and out-of-towners with millions upon millions of hairs filling chins and lips and descending to my hometown of Brooklyn... sadly, it's all over now... so, what do we do?!


Sob stories aside, I'm glad that my wife (and future son) gave me the opportunity to attend this monumental event... which is my long winded way of saying that I am still an expectant father and didn't get "THE Call" on Saturday, and was able to cover and partake in the festivities.

Myk O'Connor's rallying call prior to the event (as reported here) rang truer and truer as each category was moving through judging... fake beards out of the way, onto goatees, straight into freestyle, recession beards and finally... the piece de resistance, the full natural category... Myk ran the show like a smooth yet hairy operator of sorts, taking shots and quoting bearded literature sages (achem) while boosting the matchups and giving the IFC "Whisker Wars" people plenty of competitive fodder for their storylines.


That said, the one storyline that we took away from the event was the expertise that Build-a-Beard has bestowed on us, and the insane amount of information we eagerly retained through our hairy tribulations over the last few years... I, like Riss, am now an expert on beards... insanity.

To exemplify this, just look at the winners and our predictions:

  • Full Beard --
    • Prediction: Jack Passion (unless Mark Krayenhoff enters and brings the Brooklyn thunder)
    • Result: Jack Passion wins, shocker (Mark enters Freestyle, gets bronze), Aarne Bielefeldt garners 2nd place for his gnomish effort.
  • Moustache --
    • Prediction: Ben Davidson (unless he hasn't been working out his arm strength and loses in the run-off arm wrestling)
    • Result: Ben got 2nd place (should've exercised more...), a Ned Flanders lookalike steals the stache gold.
  • Goatee --
    • Prediction: Steve Cline (since Paul Beisser is sure to have severe jet-lag)
    • Result: Steve Cline takes the local gold as expected (surprisingly, Paul went the "ZZ Top" Route).
  • Freestyle --
    • Prediction: A German Pretzel
    • Result: No Germans in attendance, so a US Born pretzel got the prize (our favorite twisted beard of the night, Jon Rice, got robbed...).
  • Recession beard --
    • Prediction: Someone from Detroit
    • Result: not sure where that guy was from... but he had a great outfit.
  • Fake beard -- 
    • Prediction: A girl with a bigger bosom than beard
    • Result: her fake beard was so mesmerizing I forgot to look at her bosom...

The highlight of the night for me, other than being treated as said expert by IFC production team (and even by the one and only Thom Beers himself!), was the marriage proposal that Myk surprised his fiance Karolina Gwiazda with, it was adorable... see it for yourself below:

With the cutesy formality out of the way, below are the videos of all the winners being announced... it was our pleasure to report on this for you all, both here and live on twitter/facebook... so just know, the source of all your up-to-the-minute hairy news is right here, Major thanks to all those that showed B-a-B love at the event (and for those that didn't, surely you'll change your mind sooner than later)... to quote an IFC exec: Thank you Big Apple, you've been delicious.

P.S. You can find our entire collection of photos from NYCBMC in our Hairy Pics tab, or just click here (you lazy ass).


Brooklyn, Start Your Beards... NYBMC is here (there)!


The New York City Beard and Moustache Competition (hosted by our good friends at The Gotham City Beard Alliance), a charity event (with proceeds going to The Feal Good Foundation and the northeast's largest and most important beard and moustache competition is happening TOMORROW!

Visit the Gotham City Beard Alliance site fill out the Registration form if you plan on competing, the tickets are available for purchase at TicketWeb, so get them now or donate an additional $5 at the door (for a total of $20 to play). Club Europa (98 Meserole Ave, where else, Greenpoint/Brooklyn) will be the location, and the festivities will start promptly at 6pm... don't be late.

What's better, is that the organizer is B-a-B's greatly hairy friend Myk O'Connor, who's rallying call ("This is the year of the Beards, with IFC rolling out a new show called Whisker Wars, America promises to be the dominating force in facial hair!") should energize any and every facial hair wearer (or wannabe) from Brooklyn to Burbank.

The night will be supplemented by the sounds of DJ Corn Mo and The Intergalactic Fighters, with on-site trimmings courtesy of Tomcats Barbershop... AND a giant cut-out of The Rockettes to boot.

Don't miss this, trust me, as you always have (perhaps more so)... your favorite beards and staches will be there, come out or miss out.

Categories (and our predictions):

  • Full Beard -- Jack Passion (unless Mark Krayenhoff enters and brings the Brooklyn thunder)
  • Moustache -- Ben Davidson (unless he hasn't been working out his arm strength and loses in the run-off arm wrestling)
  • Goatee -- Steve Cline (since Paul Beisser is sure to have severe jet-lag)
  • Free style -- A German Pretzel
  • Recession beard -- Someone from Detroit
  • Fake beard -- A girl with a bigger bosom than beard


Surely none of this would be possible without sponsors, and Myk as amassed many. The good people at Scenic Presents (, Beard Team USA (, Coffee Lab Roasters (, Tomcats Barbershop (, and Blue Beards Original ( all deserve our thanks and business for helping NYBMC come to fruition. KUDOS to you all!

Hope to see you there,
El Beardo and Riss

P.S. While I am planning on attending this awesome event... truth be told, I may not make it. My wife, let's call her El Beardette, is 9 months pregnant... and we are both anxiously awaiting the arrival of little beardo, whose actual due date is, wouldn't you guess it, Saturday 12/4... If at all possible, I will make an appearance, if not... well we got field reporters covering this from all angles.

Hairly Yours,
Alex "El Beardo" Aizenberg


Females Prefer the 'Stache - Study Confirms

                                                One fish. Two fish. Red fish. 'Stache fish?  

You betcha.  It has been confirmed that the Mexican male molly fish can grow a type of mustache to lure their mates - and size DOES matter.  According to a recent article on, zoologist and professor, Ingo Schlupp at The University of Oklahoma, conducted the study where researchers caught and observed the mating behaviors of over 100 male and female Mexican mollies. This included measuring the length of the mustaches on those male fish which grew them.

The results -- on experiments involving those 100+ fish -- females consistently preferred males with mustaches.  What's more interesting, the same study* was conducted in Greenpoint, Brooklyn with hipsters, resulting in the same exact findings.    

Male molly 'stache:
Greenpoint hipster 'stache:

(*unofficial study based solely on my friends dating habits)


The National - Baby, We'll Be Bearded

The National.  Not only is this band of New Yorkers transplanted from Ohio music to my ears, but they're not bad on beards either.  During Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers, Cherry Tree (EP), Alligator, and Boxer, the band sported some spotty (if not - barely existent) scruff, but it seems that with the release of High Violet on May 11th- all beardos are on board.  

Before, singer and songwriter Matt Berninger (currently living in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn... yea, we stalked it out) could be recognized for his distinctive, deep, baritone voice - but now his bushy beard is keeping B-a-B's full attention. We are huge fans of The National and to this day, one of my all-time favorite interview answers came in 2008 when NY Magazine wanted Matt to describe the strangest comparison he has heard so far about describing his voice: 

"It's like chocolate and wool." I'm like, "What?" Someone else said I sound like a combination of Ian Curtis and Rain Man, which I thought was good. Even when it's an insult it's sort of flattering.  

Upcoming tour schedule can be found HERE.  I'll be scouting beards in July at Prospect Park for this concert so come find me with your best DIY facial hair.  
*High Violet tracks


What The 5 O'Clock Shadow Is Really Telling You

Ladies, did you know that a man's beard grows the fastest when he anticipates sex? Could this be the reason why so many hipsters in Brooklyn and the LES are sporting (and sprouting) beards lately?  The recession economy has forced many laid off workers to sit around and look longingly at their spouses... and what else is there really to do while you wait for your unemployment check to arrive?  

The reason for this beard-growing phenomenon is apparently rooted in hormonal activities. Facial hair, a secondary male sexual characteristic, is largely governed by production of male hormones called androgens. Indeed, one of these compounds —testosterone—is known to be released in greater quantities during intercourse.  As such, there is also a release of androgens with the anticipation of sex - causing those who sport facial hair to have it grow leading up to the act of copulation.  You can read more about interesting man facts here.  
** Obviously waited a long time for some action **


The Story of the "Power W"

While out and about in my favorite Lower East Side bar, or should I say holy beer shrine (aka Burp Castle aka Shush Central) this past weekend catching up with Riss post the hairy awesomeness that was 2010 Beard Ball... I stumbled upon Glenn Chocky (aka @ChockyDude) sitting comfortably and quietly at the bar (next to a lovely facial hair enthusiast of the fairer sex), and was immediately drawn to his certain je ne c'est quoi... ahh who am i kidding, just LOOK at this gorgeous specimen of facial hair DIY!

Upon closer examination and discussions with him (and his lady admirer) I discovered that Glenn calls this fantastic facial fuzz iteration (he has had various styles for 5+ years) the Power W, works as a producer in the beauty industry and refers to beards as "a version of Samson on your face" ... i mean, how can you NOT like this guy, right?!

Well, we'll tell you how... you see, Glenn also resides in Brooklyn and even admitted to us that he was talking about the Beard Ball earlier in the night we met him, and how he should've gone, was encouraged to by others, read about it... but, in the end, he didn't... Dude, how you gonna miss an event like that so close to home, have you no sense of community?! Also, awesome Tumblr site (no really, keep at it!) and non working namesake website... you probably couldn't find your way from Park Slope to Greenpoint anyhow.

Truth be told Glenn, the Power W intrigued B-A-B enough to stick with you, but to be brutally honest here... if your Twitter bio didn't quote my (non bearded) idol Hunter S. Thompson, your pics may have found the cutting room floor (like your chin hairs)... but you've redeemed yourself in the end. We better see you next year (or sooner) if you want to avoid another hairy situation.

Anyway, thanks for being a good sport (we kid those we love) and remember... I wouldn't risk getting thrown out from Burp Castle just for anybody... consider your story told.

P.S. I hope you wound up going home with that lady friend that night... the Power W deserves to.