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Entries in beardicide (4)

6:28PM

BREAKING: We are making a difference (duh)

GUYS! We're doing it; and we are winning!

Look, we never want to hurt the economy, or any one company or another, make people lose jobs or support any kind of economic regression... but the fact of the matter is, there are certain companies that are at the forefront of beardicide and pognophobia... razors, single use or fancy ones with 8000 blades, trimmers, clippers, and other sinister tools of torture, destruction and death.

The companies that support or harbor these terroristic methods, it's no surprise that we have sworn to smoke them out of their holes back in 2008/2009, when B-a-B formed.

Well, beardos and stachemates, today, we are honored to let you know the tide of the war on beards is waning, it's taken a turn; a turn that will stand out as a key moment in time that you will tell your children that the wave finally broke, and rolled back.

Bloomberg reports that beardicide supporter and facial hair villain megacompany Procter & Gamble Co. (PG) has announced that everything from Brooklyn beardos, to Movember, the Red Sox WS win, and other facial hair friendly events and efforts has taken a deep cut into their grooming sales last quarter, Chief Financial Officer Jon Moeller said yesterday on an earnings call.

"P&G’s grooming business, which includes shaving cream, razor blades and deodorant, generated $2.12 billion in revenue during the quarter ended Dec. 31 and accounted for 9.5 percent of the company’s sales. Though the division’s sales rose 3 percent, excluding currency effects, John Faucher, an analyst at JPMorgan Chase & Co. in New York, said in a Jan. 13 note that sales of non-disposable razors and blades fell 7.8 percent in the 12 weeks through Dec. 21. The reason: “Increased interest in facial hair.” 

Congrats everyone, we should all be proud of our efforts, our commitment, resolve and determination to bring about this change. We thank you for teaching ogres like P&G to remember Ezekiel 25:17

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." 

Kudos everyone. Remember this day. Onward and upward.

Thank you,

Build-a-Beard Editors

 

9:52AM

The ONLY Bad Thing About OBL's Demise

As some of you may know, a Washington state Middle School teacher Gary Weddle vowed on September 11, 2001 to stop shaving until Osama bin Laden was caught, in support of the United States Military and for the freedoms that America stands for.

After a long and arduous 3,454 days... On Monday morning, Gary shaved off his lengthy beard as he said he would almost ten years ago.

Credit: Janice Johnson

This is the ONLY bad thing about Sunday's monumental operation... here's to saluting our men and women in uniform.

1:56PM

Boycott SNL! Beards of the World... UNITE!

Enough is enough... the beards are not to be messed with, and once pushed too far, we will come back thicker, darker and more rich with vigor (aka longer and uncut) than ever before! Billboards are one thing, but this 'shaving culture' that seems to be rearing it's ugly bald head during the last month of this year of our lord, the year of the beard, is disgusting... and feeding this shaved beast is ill advised, especially during Decembeard.

Our favorite goatee winner from last year's globes, THE dude, el Duderino himself (and the star of both “Tron: Legacy” and “True Grit”) will be hosting “Saturday Night Live” tonight... which was supposed to be a Christmas SNL to remember. Now it will be one we'll never forget... ever.

Our dear Jeff Bridges seems to have followed in the sad ways of Zach G. from last march, when the reTARD succumbed to corporate pressure and shaved during his hosting stint at SNL... well, we are calling BULLSHIT on this 'comedy show' that seems to be filled with writers seemingly unable (or worse yet, unwilling) to let their creative juices flow to write skits for furry faces... FOR SHAME we say.

Just like the dreaded NY Yankees are known for destroying chin manes of incoming players, so too does SNL seem to prey on facial fuzz heroes, mandating a shiny chin for the supposed honor to host their 'show'. Well, mission accomplished... not only have they destroyed yet another beardo hero, but they have ruined Christmas, a holiday usually full of beards and hairy cheer we love so much...

So, today we call for an outright BOYCOTT of SNL! Not until Jeff's beard grows back, but until they let a bearded brethren once again host and grace their stage with hairy fortitude. And perhaps moreover, until they admit their pogonophobic ways and REPENT! Until then, we are sorry to bring you the clip below, which was used as a promo for tonight's episode, showing His Dudeness taking a buzzer to his sweet sweet beard... it really tied the whole face together Jeff, you are out of your element!


FAIL!

11:12AM

Dr. Phil Shaves... B-a-B Unfazed (but disgusted)

I guess we're 'sorry' to bring you such news this late... but it's because we're not going to pretend we watch the show...Yes, it's true. "Dr. Phil" McGraw... the twang-y, knee-slapping therapist... has parted ways with his stache of nearly 40 years. What's worse is the reason (O Magazine's 10th Anniversary Celebration Episode) and at whose hands... Oprah's.

Stache-acide (as well as Beardicide) are crimes punishable by banishment from our extended communities... but then again, we are more than 10 days late on these 'news,' clearly signaling that we've banished Dr. Phil from our psyche's long ago, so added punishment may be moot.

Besides, look at him now... kind of pathetic... not the therapist I'd like to treat me or my family... with or sans stache that is.

Either way, as you all know, you can slap a stache on a pig but it's still a pig.