It has come to our attention from one of our fans Billiam that there is a unit of measurement called a "Beard Second." Per (aka the only source that matters in the history of the world aka throw away your text books and burn your encyclopedias) here is what it says exactly (because copy pasting is the only way to source information):
The beard-second is a unit of length inspired by the light-year, but used for extremely short distances such as those in nuclear physics. The beard-second is defined as the length an average beard grows in one second. Kemp Bennet Kolb defines the distance as exactly 100 angstroms, (i.e. 10 nanometers), as does Nordling and Österman's Physics Handbook. However, Google Calculator supports the beard-second for unit conversions using the value 5 nm, i.e. half the value according to Kolb and Physics Handbook.
The item is listed in a long list of other meaning(less)ful measurements in the chapter List of humorous units of measurement which catalogues the many values "people have made use of, or invented... intended primarily for their humor value. This is a list of such units invented by sources that are notable for reasons other than having made the unit itself, and of units that are widely known in the anglophone world for their humor value."
I wonder what the conversion of beard seconds to inches is... y'know, because that'd be more useful, and probably more impressive... to measure my beard length of course...