The center of Amish life in America is closer to a donut than a whoopie pie. The outlying farmland of Lancaster, PA, is dotted with silos, buggies, propane tanks and volleyball courts. But the center of town is conspicuously devoid of the Donegal-sporting men of humble buttons. Not for lack of an invitation, though.
"The Amish are America's original beardsmen. And we would love for you to be a judge," Phil Olsen told a suspender-clad father of five in the last minutes of Amish camp Friday afternoon. The deal-breaker, as it probably would have been for any Amish he'd have asked, was the photography issue. Amish don't cotton to having graven images made of them or their families. And as many of the contestants Saturday will attest, the moment a beard entered Clipper Stadium for the Second Annual Beard Team USA National Beard and Moustache Championships, camera time was unavoidable.
Moreso this year perhaps due to a certain IFC reality show. Even seasoned bearding veterans could feel the momentum and stigma of Whisker Wars hanging over the competition. The show undeniably attracted a new breed of fan, giving the Championships a noticeable boost in attendance. But that same attention was painted with an expectation of drama and politics.
Jon Rice"Is Jack Passion really a dick? Are the Texas guys really that petty? How much of that show is real?" cooed a Whisker Wars superfan whose own whiskers appeared about as old as the series. Myk O'Connor and Jon Rice, who were waiting in the same will call line, were patient and polite, neither of them indulging in the opportunity to perpetuate the hype.
And there the hype stopped. On-show rivals competed on-stage together without a hitch. With the exception of the evil fifth Teletubby accosting Jack Passion at one point, most controversy revolved around the newly minted Full Beard Groomed category.
At last year's Nationals, the more tightly cropped among beards were forced to compete in either Full Beard Natural or Freestyle, leaving world-class Verdis and Garibaldis to stand alongside the likes of Aarne Bielefeldt and Willi Chevalier. The Full Beard Groomed category was designed to mitigate this issue and give those with shorter growth a fair chance to compete.
"It's a step in the right direction," remarked John Myatt, whose immaculately trimmed, crimson Verdi took top Groomed honors, "but there needs to be more categories. There were a bunch of big, wonderful beards that weren't very groomed."
Gormon wasn't alone in that sentiment as category talk occupied the bulk of the Beard Team USA meeting the next day in the Lancaster suburb of Intercourse, PA. There, concerns were voiced for category fairness, the limitations of the English language and the marginalization of moustaches.
But after a meeting of mild grievances, competition announcements, screening invitations, Vegas talk and one wedding announcement (congrats Steve and Savannah), it was just a pleasant afternoon of beards, pulled pork, a couple Amish kids playing volleyball nearby and Jack Passion being photographed on a swing.
This story was lovingly and kindly written by Build-a-Beard's first ever freelancer scout and gonzo journalist, John Benedict (aka America's Beard). From the bottom of our hairy hearts, thank you John!
Feb 13, 2012 at 4:28PM | By 
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